


i've been denying how i feel (you've been denying what you want)

by krewella



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Turns Out It Wasn't Really a Bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-05
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-06-05 12:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15170804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krewella/pseuds/krewella
Summary: Jakob has always joked around with Asher. It's how their friendship works. It's comfortable and easy until it's not. Sometimes it takes losing someone to realize you need them after all.





	i've been denying how i feel (you've been denying what you want)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vulturewomen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulturewomen/gifts).



> Hey guys, it's been a real long time and that's on me. 
> 
> I'm really excited to be writing again and I think this one's worth the wait! It's the rarest of rarepairs though, so I hope y'all enjoy it anyway. 
> 
> Let me know what you think and if you think the characterizations are on the mark. I'm always trying to improve! 
> 
> Title is from Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen - a bop and perfect for Asher and Jakob. 
> 
> As always, I'm jamesrwilsonjr on Tumblr and @aiekswilson on Twitter. Feel free to reach out; I'd love to talk to more of you guys. 
> 
> P.S. I'm gifting this to vulturewomen for inspiring me to finally write Asher/Jakob! Their fic is incredible and you should check it out.

Jakob supposes he’s always been a bit of a tease. It’s easy with his bright grin and lanky limbs to drape himself over Asher’s lap like he belongs there. He allows himself the briefest moment to lean against Asher’s chest, soaking in the warmth before abruptly jerking up and away like it was some elaborate joke he had planned. Only Trevor catches the slow smile that spreads across Jakob’s face. 

Asher shoots him a confused glance, not quite used to Jakob’s antics despite being in his presence practically 24/7. Jakob never acted like this at home, always keeping his distance. Asher figures it was just for the cameras - to further fuel whatever fans they had out there. Aleks and James did it all the time, so it was probably normal. _Not that his bosses were the definition of normal,_ he thinks, but shoves that thought to the back of his mind. 

Jakob makes his way out of the shot to grab another camera for their next Behind the Cow Chop bit and notices Trevor trying to catch up with him. He’s tempted to walk faster to escape Trevor’s clutches, but Trevor snags his elbow before he gets the chance to put that plan into action. Jakob slows to a stop, realizing that Trevor wouldn’t simply drop it like he was hoping he would. 

“So what was that back there?” Trevor gestures widely at the now empty warehouse space behind them.

“You know, jokes, man, don’t we all make them?” Jakob responds almost too quickly, not abating Trevor’s suspicion at all. 

Trevor holds eye contact for a painful five seconds more while Jakob pretends he needs to fiddle with something on the camera he’s holding. Their staring contest is broken only by James yelling at them to get their asses outside. Jakob swallows uncomfortably as he watches Trevor’s retreating back and he keeps a couple paces behind. 

It’s a good thing he’s always been so genuine with his smiles so this one doesn’t feel so plastered on. 

~~~

Jakob doesn’t remember how he got there, but he’s straddling Asher on the floor of the warehouse. The feeling of the cold concrete seeps into the knees he’s tucked into Asher’s sides and he’s become acutely aware of how Asher is blowing warm air onto his neck. 

_His neck? How close is he?_

That train of thought is interrupted when Asher shifts up into a sitting position, jolting Jakob backwards. Before Jakob can blink, Asher lovingly places a hand on his cheek and leans in to kiss him. Jakob meets him halfway and he can’t believe this is happening. _It can’t be real._

The kiss ignites a fire in Jakob he didn’t know he had and he wants _more_. The molten desire pooling in his stomach is enough to make Jakob wrap his arms around Asher to bring him closer. He needs to feel anything and everything all at once. 

“Jakob…” Asher trails off, pulling away from him. “It’s time to go.”

“No, stay here, please,” Jakob is shocked at the sound of him begging, but he’s too far gone to care. 

“Jakob!” 

Jakob startles awake then, sheepishly looking at Asher standing in his doorway. He detaches himself from the pillow he had been a bit too friendly with while Asher stifles a laugh. 

“Good dream?” Asher teases, taking in Jakob’s disheveled appearance. 

“Yeah, wanna help me reenact it?” Jakob shoots back, scrambling to shake off the feelings the dream dredged up. 

Asher turns a couple shades darker at that and mumbles that they were going to be late if they didn’t get moving. He shuts the door firmly and Jakob is left sitting there, sifting through a range of complex emotions he didn’t want to face. He settles then on his default coping mechanism: humor. 

~~~

They’re filming a new series a couple of days later and Asher’s been asked to participate. Jakob is behind the scenes once again and he relishes the opportunity to tease Asher. 

They’re at their four computer setup and Jakob makes sure he’s the one positioned next to Asher and by extension, Aleks. Jakob waits until the game is well underway to try to start distracting Asher. He finally succeeds in getting Asher’s attention and Asher rolls his eyes, but there’s a softness to it that Jakob notices. 

They go on like that for a little while, lost in their little world before they hear Aleks roll back his chair suddenly. 

“So, when are you guys going to fuck?” He asks matter-of-factly, like it was the elephant in the room and he finally addressed it. 

“I’m just waiting for Asher to ask,” Jakob replies, a thinly veiled attempt at making the situation humorous again. He laughs after he says it, cutting a look back at Asher. 

Asher is uncharacteristically silent during the exchange; normally, he can fire back a remark at Jakob. 

“Well, figure it out soon, we’re all tired of your weird sexual tension shit,” Aleks continues.

“Besides, it worked for James and I,” he punctuates the statement by reaching over for James’ hand. 

“Aleksandr, shut the fuck up, you’re ruining this whole recording,” James scolds him, but Jakob notices how James makes no effort to untangle their hands. 

Asher rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “Yeah, okay, can we just play the game now?” 

Brett mutters a “Thank God” under his breath and Jakob hears Lindsey make a comment about the editing this video is going to need. 

For the first time, Jakob doesn’t know where he stands in Asher’s eyes and it’s deeply unsettling. more so than he ever would have expected. 

~~~

Trevor offers to drive Jakob home instead of him taking his usual ride with Asher, but Jakob declines. He needs to face the situation ( _problem?_ ) firsthand. 

He’s unsurprised at the announcement that James and Aleks are together. Anyone with eyes could see that and he’d be shocked if anyone in that warehouse didn’t realize it. He thought maybe he was more subtle than that, but he forgets Aleks is more perceptive than he lets on. 

He slides into the passenger seat like he does every day after work as Asher starts up the engine. The rumbling of the car is all that fills the space between them, letting the silence stretch farther and farther. It’s not their usual comfortable silence. It’s stretched taut and seems to shield Asher from Jakob. 

He hates it. 

They’ve always been easygoing and comfortable. Nothing was ever more comfortable than being with Asher. 

He hates Aleks. 

He did this to them, forcing them to face a reality that neither of them were prepared for, particularly not Asher. He sees how Asher avoided him completely before they got the signal to head out for the day. 

Jakob wills him to meet his eyes - to say something, _anything_. By now, they’d be cracking jokes or turning up the volume on some shitty, ridiculous song Jakob found. 

But Asher steadfastly keeps his eyes on the road, only glancing in the direction of Jakob when he has to. 

Reaching the house is a blessing Jakob has never known, usually preferring the place they had carved out for themselves in Asher’s car. It was where they could be alone and Jakob used to savor every moment. 

He’s not sure that place exists anymore. 

He thinks he can feel his heart break minutely at that thought, but he’s sure it’s nothing. After all, they were just joking around, right? Dreams don’t mean anything in the real world. Just his mind playing tricks on him. 

He would give anything to make that statement true. 

~~~

This time, Jakob is alone. He’s alone and cold and everything is dark. He starts to feel around for his surroundings and he realizes that he’s sitting on the Cow Chop couch. In the distance, a door opens and light floods in. 

Asher’s form is silhouetted against the streaming light and Jakob breathes in sharply. He feels the urge to reach out but by the time he does, Asher has vanished and takes the light with him. 

The darkness begins to loom rather heavily until Asher appears directly in front of him. Jakob tries to get up. He wants to explain things to Asher. He can’t handle this deafening silence any longer. 

Asher pushes him back down with a hand to his shoulder. Jakob struggles, but realizes it’s a lost cause and allows Asher to steady him. What at first felt overpowering is now a soothing presence and he allows it to wash over him. 

Asher drops down next to him on the couch and wordlessly puts an upturned hand on Jakob’s thigh. Asher’s gesture dares him to accept that his reality is having feelings for him. 

It was such a casual thing for James and Aleks. Jakob thinks he might like it to be that casual for he and Asher too. 

He interlaces a shaky hand with Asher’s and he marvels at how natural it feels. 

A blinding light overtakes him and he wakes up in his own bed, but with a much stronger resolve than before. 

~~~

He gets out of bed much earlier than he usually does, knowing that Asher liked to take a bit of morning time to play games on his own time rather than at work. 

He pads into the living room dressed in an pair of maple leaf pajama pants Trevor thought were hilarious and a Cow Chop t-shirt he’d stolen from the office. He still has sleep in his eyes and he knows he looks like a wreck, but he wants to, no, _needs to_ talk to Asher. 

Asher is lost in concentration sprawled on the couch. The clicking of buttons on his controller makes up the soundtrack of the room and he doesn’t notice Jakob approaching him. 

Jakob takes advantage of Asher’s distracted state to lower himself gingerly on the couch. 

Asher looks over then and seems to be assessing him. Jakob lets him sweep his eyes up and down before Asher breaks into a small smile of his own. 

“What, my lap isn’t good enough for you anymore?” He jokes, pausing his game. 

Just like that, the neverending silence between them is shattered into a million pieces and Jakob almost wants to cry. He never thought it would be this easy. 

Before Jakob can lose his confidence, he blurts, “What are we?” 

“What do you want us to be?” Asher challenges in response, not allowing Jakob to look away. 

“More than what we were before,” Jakob almost whispers, unwilling to voice that idea any louder. He’s terrified of the rejection he knows will come. They’ve been only friends this whole time; there is no way Asher ever thought of them as more than that. 

“So this would be alright?” Asher asks, pushing himself into Jakob’s space and sealing his question with a kiss. 

Jakob is too flustered to do more than respond fleetingly. He breaks the kiss in bewilderment. 

“Was that not what you expected?” Asher asks and he looks like he might retreat back into himself and Jakob rushes to stop him. 

He’s smiling so hard his cheeks hurt and he pulls Asher back to into a kiss that lasts much longer than the first. 

“It’s more than I could have ever dreamed,” Jakob says after he finally, _finally_ pulls away. 

~~~

The car ride to work is much of the same, except this time Jakob takes Asher’s hand at the stoplight that takes 5 minutes too long every time and he basks in the warmth and comfort he’s finally allowed to have. Before he would just take in that warmth momentarily and pass it off as a joke. He was tired of turning his feelings into something to laugh at. 

They had talked about that after they finally managed to get their hands off each other. Asher told him he had never made a move, because he was sure it was just a bit Jakob kept dragging out. Jakob felt a pang of hurt then, not on his behalf, but on Asher’s. He had been too wrapped up in himself to see that what he wanted had been in front of him this whole time. 

He knew it had never been a joke, but he could barely admit that to himself let alone Asher. The light Asher brought to his life was undeniable and he saw how easily it could be snuffed out and it was painfully lonely. Jakob never wanted that to happen again, He wouldn’t let it. 

Asher squeezes his hand, bringing him back to the present and Jakob rewards him with a look of pure adoration. 

Jakob had never wanted someone so badly. 

~~~

It was like Aleks had a detector for when relationships changed, because he was on them immediately when they walked in together. 

“Congrats, guys, you finally got out of your systems,” Aleks yells across the warehouse, spinning around in his chair with a flourish. 

Trevor rolls out to join Aleks and asks him what the hell he’s talking about. 

“Your roommates finally fucked,” Aleks tells Trevor in all seriousness. 

“Aleks, do you ever shut the fuck up?” Jakob rolls his eyes. 

“I can assure you he doesn’t,” James joins the conversation with a laugh that fills the room. 

James’ input is enough to distract Aleks from his inquisition as he launches into a tirade of verbal abuse directed towards James which only makes him laugh harder. 

To an outsider, they looked like friends who barely liked each other, but to people that knew them, one could notice the fondness in James’ eyes that never left when he looked at Aleks or the way Aleks would glance at James every time he made a joke to see if James thought he was funny. They had a give-and-take relationship that could only be perfected through years of living and working together. 

While his bosses’ relationship was not exactly a model one, it spoke volumes about the love they shared. It was well-worn and a little rough around the edges, but it was organically James and Aleks. He could tell neither of them would change it for the world. 

When Jakob drapes himself back into Asher’s lap in a surprisingly familiar way, but this time Asher wraps his arms around Jakob’s waist, Jakob realizes he wouldn’t change his relationship for the world either. 

He was finally home. 


End file.
